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Death is a part of life. Whether you’re planning for the end of a life, navigating a recent loss or remembering a loved one, Jewish rituals are designed to bring you peace and comfort during these challenging times. Learn about sitting shiva, explore Jewish funeral customs and blessings, and find end-of-life rituals that feel right for you and your family.
Explore End of Life
Learn more about Jewish rituals to honor the
end of a life
Coming to terms with our own mortality can help us better appreciate the life we have today. The Torah teaches us to “choose life,” and that it is never too early to communicate our end-of-life wishes to the important people in our lives. Though it may feel easier to avoid these difficult conversations, when we neglect them, we risk falling into crisis when the inevitable happens.
“Shiva” literally means “seven” in Hebrew, as in the seven days of mourning following a burial. Children, spouses, siblings, and parents of the deceased are traditionally obligated to sit shiva. During a shiva period, Jewish mourners stay at home while their family and friends take care of their basic needs by sending or preparing food, and visiting to offer comfort. The idea is to give mourners the time and space they need to process their grief and cope with the recent loss.
There are certain rules and traditions that are typically followed during a shiva. For example, the front door is left open for those paying a condolence visit and the mourner is exempt from needing to greet guests during shiva. Visitors typically bring food for the mourners, and eggs are eaten at the first meal following burial because they symbolize life. All mirrors in the shiva home are covered, as mourners are unconcerned with vanity during this period. Mourners also do not wear shoes (though they may wear slippers), while visitors who are not in mourning keep their shoes on. Mourners often sit on low stools or chairs, as they are experiencing grief and are likely not comforted by material objects such as plush couches and chairs. After shiva ends, it is customary for mourners to take a walk around the block to signify reentry into the world before actually returning to work and other worldly tasks. For more, take a look at our Shiva Ritual.
Yizkor is a prayer of remembrance that is recited four times a year in Jewish tradition, often as a community, to collectively remember and honor those who are no longer with us. It is said on Yom Kippur, and on each of the three “pilgrimage” holidays: the last day of Passover, the second day of Shavuot in the diaspora and the first day of Shavuot in Israel, and on Shemini Atzeret. Yizkor is generally recited following the Torah service, while the Torahs are still out of the ark during the morning service in a synagogue. For more, download our Yizkor Ritual.
Jewish burial ceremonies typically happen within 24 hours of someone dying. They are usually closed casket services that take place at a funeral home, a synagogue, or graveside. Jewish funerals are most often officiated by a rabbi, but can also be led by others, and they are a time to say prayers, blessings, and give a eulogy. It is common for mourners and attendees to participate in the burial by helping to shovel soil onto the casket after it is lowered into the ground–this provides loved ones with an opportunity to say goodbye and find closure so that the grieving process may begin.
An unveiling ceremony is an opportunity to return to a grave and “uncover” a headstone. It typically happens around one year following a death to mark the formal end of the grieving process, but can be done at any time earlier or later than that. Unveiling ceremonies do not have a set liturgy or traditional ritual, but many people choose to recite kaddish in the presence of 10 Jewish adults over the age of 13, and may also recite, or substitute if there are fewer than 10 Jewish adults present, the El Maleh Rachamim memorial prayer.
Prior to the ceremony, the headstone is covered with a cloth, and then during the ceremony the cloth is removed. Some may use a cloth that has personal meaning, sometimes a tablecloth or a scarf that belonged to the deceased. Following the unveiling, those in attendance often place a rock or pebble on the headstone instead of flowers. You may wish to gather for a meal after, similar to the meal of consolation following a funeral. Some have the custom of washing the hands (without a blessing) upon exiting the cemetery, or upon arriving home after having visited a cemetery.
A yahrzeit is the anniversary of a Jewish death. To honor a yahrzeit, it is traditional to say kaddish and to light a 24-hour candle. Some may sponsor a meal at synagogue in memory of their loved one on or near the anniversary; others may mark the day at home with the sharing of stories about the one who has died, or studying Jewish texts in their memory, or even eating their favorite foods. The Yahrzeit is generally observed on the date of the death according to the Hebrew lunar calendar, with the day beginning and ending at sundown. For more ways to honor a yahrzeit, download our Yahrzeit Ritual.
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Featured ritual books
Loss and Mourning
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We Remember: Yizkor
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Featured clips
“Esa Einai El Heharim, Me’ayin yavo ezri?”
I lift my eyes unto the mountains, from where will my help come? Psalm 121:1
It is now time for me to transition from my first thirty days of mourning and integrate more fully into the fabric of life. For thirty days, I have known the sorrow of grief, my heart yearning to have but one more moment with my beloved.
I look to you, HaShem, raising my eyes from the pits of the Earth to the Heavens above, I ask for your comfort and mercy. Embrace me with gentleness and peace as I commit to living my life with kedushah, holiness, in the name of _______________.
May I remember that on this journey of life, this is but one loss along the way. For thirty days I have lived in retreat and now must have the courage to take the next step into the mystery that awaits me.
-by Rabbi Eva Sax-Bolder
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Originally published in Laments & Kavannot for The Journey, produced for Kavod V’Nichum’s annual North America Chevra Kadisha Conference and shared with author’s permission.
With this washing, I leave behind the past
and re-embrace the present.
With this washing, I depart this place of death
and re-enter life.
Ushavtem mayim b’sason, m’mainei hayeshuah.
Joyfully shall you draw water from the fountains of redemption.
Isaiah 12:3
—
Originally published in Laments & Kavannot for The Journey, produced for Kavod V’Nichum’s annual North America Chevra Kadisha Conference and shared with author’s permission.
Clip source: The Shomer Collective
On Washing Hands When Leaving the Cemetery by Rabbi Avivah Ehrlick
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There is an eternal essence that persists in time and space —
and this is our prayer to make it part of our awareness
by affirming its persistence and pledging ourselves
to act to advance the promise it holds of a better world;
may it be soon and in our days. Amen.
Let the great essence be blessed through all our actions!
Whether it be blessed or praised or honored or exalted,
we affirm that it is far beyond any expression which we use to describe it —
prayer or song, prose or poem — and we say: Amen
We express our hopes for peace and for life upon us and upon all people. Amen.
May the harmony we experience as we gaze toward heaven
be reflected in a harmony between all who dwell on the planet:
Israelite, Ishmaelite, and all creatures upon this holy earth, and we say: Amen.
-by Rabbi David Cooper
Clip source: The Shomer Collective
Secular-Friendly Mourners' Kaddish Translation by Rabbi David Cooper
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This secular prayer is intended to celebrate the ordinary and cherished existence of the person who has died (rather than the celebration of faith to a deity). It is offered as a non-religious alternative to the traditional Kaddish prayer so that a secular person might recite it in good conscience, finding solace in reverence for life.
We celebrate the spark which illuminates life and fades at death, and we accept this great mystery.
In this world that is created new with each sunrise, we open the robe of [ 's] existence,
crafted of fabric woven from every ordinary day, with innumerable pockets sheltering all the
moments and purposes that comprise a full life. A robe embellished with joys and accomplishments, made shiny at the seat by sharing life's table, frayed at the cuffs by sorrows,
worn at the elbows from the labors of living.
May remembering [ ] be a blessing.
May the humor, common sense, and skills that [ ] honed in life remain a contribution to the family and the community. And may [ 's] mistakes and challenges be remembered so that
the wisdom earned from their lessons learned will also stay with us.
May remembering [ ] be a blessing.
In this world where [ ] learned, labored, and loved may their existence continue to radiate goodness, and may the things [ ] created be put to use and appreciated.
May remembering [ ] be a blessing.
May our hearts beat steadily together in the rhythm of life as we remember [ ] in the fullness of themself, and release [ ] now in love.
May remembering [ ] be a blessing to all.
-by Dina Stander
Clip source: The Shomer Collective
יִתְגַּדַּל וְיִתְקַדַּשׁ שְׁמֵהּ רַבָּא: אמן
בְּעָלְמָא דִּי בְרָא כִרְעוּתֵהּ וְיַמְלִיךְ מַלְכוּתֵהּ בְּחַיֵּיכון וּבְיומֵיכון וּבְחַיֵּי דְכָל בֵּית יִשרָאֵל בַּעֲגָלָא וּבִזְמַן קָרִיב, וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן
יְהֵא שְׁמֵהּ רַבָּא מְבָרַךְ לְעָלַם וּלְעָלְמֵי עָלְמַיָּא
: יִתְבָּרַךְ וְיִשְׁתַּבַּח וְיִתְפָּאַר וְיִתְרומַם וְיִתְנַשּא וְיִתְהַדָּר וְיִתְעַלֶּה וְיִתְהַלָּל שְׁמֵהּ דְּקֻדְשָׁא. בְּרִיךְ הוּא
לְעֵלָּא מִן כָּל בִּרְכָתָא וְשִׁירָתָא תֻּשְׁבְּחָתָא וְנֶחֱמָתָא דַּאֲמִירָן בְּעָלְמָא. וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן:
יְהֵא שְׁלָמָא רַבָּא מִן שְׁמַיָּא וְחַיִּים עָלֵינוּ וְעַל כָּל יִשרָאֵל. וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן
Yitgadal v’yitkadash sh’mei raba. B’alma di v’ra chirutei, v’yamlich malchutei, b’chayeichon uv’yomeichon uv’chayei d’chol beit Yisrael, baagala uviz’man kariv. V’im’ru: Amen.
Y’hei sh’mei raba m’varach l’alam ul’almei almaya.
Yitbarach v’yishtabach v’yitpaar v’yitromam v’yitnasei, v’yit’hadar v’yitaleh v’yit’halal sh’mei d’Kud’sha B’rich Hu
L’eila min kol birchata v’shirata, tushb’chata v’nechemata, daamiran b’alma. V’imru: Amen.
Y’hei sh’lama raba min sh’maya, v’chayim aleinu v’al kol Yisrael. V’imru: Amen.
Oseh shalom bimromav, Hu yaaseh shalom aleinu, v’al kol Yisrael. V’imru: Amen
Glorified and sanctified be God's great name throughout the world which was created according to God's will.
May God's kingdom be established in your lifetime and during your days, and within the life of the entire House of Israel, speedily and soon; and let us say, Amen.
May God's great name be blessed forever and to all eternity.
Blessed and praised, glorified and exalted, extolled and honored, adored and lauded be the name of the Holy One, who is ever to be praised, though far above the eulogies and songs of praise and consolation that human lips can utter; and let us say, Amen.
May a great peace descend from heaven, and abundant life be granted to us and all Israel; and let us say, Amen.
May the Holy One who creates peace in the heavens create peace for us, for all Israel and all the world; and let us say, Amen.
Thereupon Jacob took a stone and set it up as a pillar.
And Jacob said to his kinsman, “Gather stones.”
So they took stones and made a mound;
and they partook of a meal there by the mound.
And Laban declared, “This mound is a witness between you
and me this day. May the Lord watch between you and me,
when we are out of sight of each other.”
Gen 31:45
Dear Beloved ___________________
As I set this stone on your final place of rest,
know that I was here.
I have not forgotten you.
May the Lord watch between you and me
as we are now out of sight of each other.
-by Meirah Illinsky
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Originally published in Laments & Kavannot for The Journey, produced for Kavod V’Nichum’s annual North America Chevra Kadisha Conference and shared with author’s permission.
Clip source: The Shomer Collective
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