Death is a part of life. Whether you’re planning for the end of a life, navigating a recent loss or remembering a loved one, Jewish rituals are designed to bring you peace and comfort during these challenging times. Learn about sitting shiva, explore Jewish funeral customs and blessings, and find end-of-life rituals that feel right for you and your family.
Learn more about Jewish rituals to honor the
end of a life
Coming to terms with our own mortality can help us better appreciate the life we have today. The Torah teaches us to “choose life,” and that it is never too early to communicate our end-of-life wishes to the important people in our lives. Though it may feel easier to avoid these difficult conversations, when we neglect them, we risk falling into crisis when the inevitable happens.
“Shiva” literally means “seven” in Hebrew, as in the seven days of mourning following a burial. Children, spouses, siblings, and parents of the deceased are traditionally obligated to sit shiva. During a shiva period, Jewish mourners stay at home while their family and friends take care of their basic needs by sending or preparing food, and visiting to offer comfort. The idea is to give mourners the time and space they need to process their grief and cope with the recent loss.
There are certain rules and traditions that are typically followed during a shiva. For example, the front door is left open for those paying a condolence visit and the mourner is exempt from needing to greet guests during shiva. Visitors typically bring food for the mourners, and eggs are eaten at the first meal following burial because they symbolize life. All mirrors in the shiva home are covered, as mourners are unconcerned with vanity during this period. Mourners also do not wear shoes (though they may wear slippers), while visitors who are not in mourning keep their shoes on. Mourners often sit on low stools or chairs, as they are experiencing grief and are likely not comforted by material objects such as plush couches and chairs. After shiva ends, it is customary for mourners to take a walk around the block to signify reentry into the world before actually returning to work and other worldly tasks. For more, take a look at our Shiva Ritual.
Yizkor is a prayer of remembrance that is recited four times a year in Jewish tradition, often as a community, to collectively remember and honor those who are no longer with us. It is said on Yom Kippur, and on each of the three “pilgrimage” holidays: the last day of Passover, the second day of Shavuot in the diaspora and the first day of Shavuot in Israel, and on Shemini Atzeret. Yizkor is generally recited following the Torah service, while the Torahs are still out of the ark during the morning service in a synagogue. For more, download our Yizkor Ritual.
Jewish burial ceremonies typically happen within 24 hours of someone dying. They are usually closed casket services that take place at a funeral home, a synagogue, or graveside. Jewish funerals are most often officiated by a rabbi, but can also be led by others, and they are a time to say prayers, blessings, and give a eulogy. It is common for mourners and attendees to participate in the burial by helping to shovel soil onto the casket after it is lowered into the ground–this provides loved ones with an opportunity to say goodbye and find closure so that the grieving process may begin.
An unveiling ceremony is an opportunity to return to a grave and “uncover” a headstone. It typically happens around one year following a death to mark the formal end of the grieving process, but can be done at any time earlier or later than that. Unveiling ceremonies do not have a set liturgy or traditional ritual, but many people choose to recite kaddish in the presence of 10 Jewish adults over the age of 13, and may also recite, or substitute if there are fewer than 10 Jewish adults present, the El Maleh Rachamim memorial prayer.
Prior to the ceremony, the headstone is covered with a cloth, and then during the ceremony the cloth is removed. Some may use a cloth that has personal meaning, sometimes a tablecloth or a scarf that belonged to the deceased. Following the unveiling, those in attendance often place a rock or pebble on the headstone instead of flowers. You may wish to gather for a meal after, similar to the meal of consolation following a funeral. Some have the custom of washing the hands (without a blessing) upon exiting the cemetery, or upon arriving home after having visited a cemetery.
A yahrzeit is the anniversary of a Jewish death. To honor a yahrzeit, it is traditional to say kaddish and to light a 24-hour candle. Some may sponsor a meal at synagogue in memory of their loved one on or near the anniversary; others may mark the day at home with the sharing of stories about the one who has died, or studying Jewish texts in their memory, or even eating their favorite foods. The Yahrzeit is generally observed on the date of the death according to the Hebrew lunar calendar, with the day beginning and ending at sundown. For more ways to honor a yahrzeit, download our Yahrzeit Ritual.
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Yizkor: For a Family Member You Love In An Estranged Family You Love No Longer
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To the One who blessed our ancestors and the
One who blesses all beings here on this earth,
bless all those who are suffering the grief of someone they loved.
May they find solace in their memory,
and may their love find a resting place in their hearts.
Bless all those who are struggling with the death
of someone with whom they had a difficult relationship.
May they find compassion for themselves and renewal of spirit.
May they have patience and strength, as grief can come in waves throughout their lives.
May they find the courage to share their grief with others, no matter how many years have gone by.
While they can be shattered by loss, they can be healed by love from others.
Sacred One, help them find ways to open their hearts to love and hope.
Bless all those who are grieving, for it is an honor to have lived.
Make both life and death a blessing.
Amen.
A prayer by the Blue Dove Foundation
Mi Sheberach for Grief
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To the One who blessed our ancestors and the
One who blesses all beings here on this earth,
bless all those who are suffering the grief of someone they loved.
May they find solace in their memory,
and may their love find a resting place in their hearts.
Bless all those who are struggling with the death
of someone with whom they had a difficult relationship.
May they find compassion for themselves and renewal of spirit.
May they have patience and strength, as grief can come in waves throughout their lives.
May they find the courage to share their grief with others, no matter how many years have gone by.
While they can be shattered by loss, they can be healed by love from others.
Sacred One, help them find ways to open their hearts to love and hope.
Bless all those who are grieving, for it is an honor to have lived.
Make both life and death a blessing.
Amen.
A prayer by the Blue Dove Foundation
The dining room table was simply resplendent. Covered in her now off-white lace table cloth, the oak wooden table stood sturdily atop the navy tuft pile carpet, though every year a few more shims were added for leveling. On the soft carpet, slight impressions from hundreds of chair legs left indented memories of the past.
In the corners of the dining room, white built-in cabinets displayed China dishes with tiny blue and white flowers, wine glasses of every size, a shelf reserved entirely for Shabbat candlesticks, and a rudimentary hanukkiah made of wood and bolts, the sole survivor of Sunday school, now coated with wax.
The door was open to Elijah. At one end of the table sat his goblet full of wine, waiting for his visit, while across from it, Miriam’s cup stood in prominence. The children, who were now adults, still shot furtive glances at these cups. Would the wine disappear this year like it always had?
As in every year, there was too much food. He always cooked for twelve, even though now, there were only five or six people who might return to this table for Passover.
In the foyer, a few table leaves leaned against a corner.
“Honey, we don’t need them this year,” he suggested to his wife.
“No. Let's put them in – just in case.”
“But Mom,” their adult children echoed, “its just the six of us. And the leaves are really heavy. It's not worth breaking your back over.”
“No. No. Let's put them in – just in case.”
And so they compromised. This year, one leaf would be used. The other would stand lonely in another room.
“And Mom, we don’t need extra chairs either.”
It’s in these moments, joyous holiday meals and family celebrations, that we remember them. It is in the smell of spices so fragrant, the taste of sweet wine, and the shadow of candles flickering, that we recall the days when they sat next to us and sometimes we can still feel their warmth.
As we recall the story of the Jewish people, of our redemption from slavery in Egypt, we remember also the story of our own families: the journeys and experiences that shaped us, the people and places, and the faces that sat across from us, shared meals with us, shared the story with us – for so many years.
We can’t help but want to set a place for them at the table, hoping that they will walk in the door years after they’ve departed. We can’t help but want to hear their voices singing, laughing. We can’t help but want to smell their perfume, to taste their cooking, to see their smile.
While our memories are but meager substitutes for the warm hug we so long to experience, may we find solace and comfort in knowing that while they may be gone, our memories endure.
Yizkor: Remembering Loved Ones at Passover
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To the One who blessed our ancestors and the
One who blesses all beings here on this earth,
bless all those who are suffering the grief of someone they loved.
May they find solace in their memory,
and may their love find a resting place in their hearts.
Bless all those who are struggling with the death
of someone with whom they had a difficult relationship.
May they find compassion for themselves and renewal of spirit.
May they have patience and strength, as grief can come in waves throughout their lives.
May they find the courage to share their grief with others, no matter how many years have gone by.
While they can be shattered by loss, they can be healed by love from others.
Sacred One, help them find ways to open their hearts to love and hope.
Bless all those who are grieving, for it is an honor to have lived.
Make both life and death a blessing.
Amen.
A prayer by the Blue Dove Foundation
Mi Sheberach for Grief
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To the One who blessed our ancestors and the
One who blesses all beings here on this earth,
bless all those who are suffering the grief of someone they loved.
May they find solace in their memory,
and may their love find a resting place in their hearts.
Bless all those who are struggling with the death
of someone with whom they had a difficult relationship.
May they find compassion for themselves and renewal of spirit.
May they have patience and strength, as grief can come in waves throughout their lives.
May they find the courage to share their grief with others, no matter how many years have gone by.
While they can be shattered by loss, they can be healed by love from others.
Sacred One, help them find ways to open their hearts to love and hope.
Bless all those who are grieving, for it is an honor to have lived.
Make both life and death a blessing.
Amen.
A prayer by the Blue Dove Foundation
Mi Sheberach for Grief
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Loss and Mourning
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