Pregnancy Loss

If you have a family member or loved one who is on a difficult fertility journey, this resource from Uprooted, a Jewish Response to Fertility Journeys, invites you to empathically consider how it feels to struggle month after month, to exist in the space of waiting and longing.

Research has shown that women with infertility experience high rates of anxiety and depression. Moreover, a prolonged attempt to conceive begins to impact nearly every aspect of life. Marriages can become strained, finances are often impacted, relationships with friends and family (who may be able to achieve pregnancy) become fraught with tension, and even professional life can be impacted due to frequent doctor appointments. 

Infertility changes people. It threatens their perceptions of themselves, their marriage, their expectations for their future and their capacity for efficacy over their own life. Complicated emotional residue often exists in the aftermath of a difficult family-building experience. 

Family-building difficulties can challenge deeply held beliefs about oneself and the world.

Additionally, couples may grapple with how much information to share with family and friends; many couples respond by closing themselves off from others. Due to the very personal nature of procreation, many people do not share their family-building challenges, which can lead to feelings of isolation. Yet, the Jewish community has an opportunity to lessen that isolation by supporting those among us who are struggling to create families.  Our community can benefit from a more thoughtful, holistic approach to the topic of family building.

Can you begin to cut through deep isolation and offer support, and to learn how to do so from a place of true understanding?  

Ideas to Incorporate:

Inclusivity: Infertility is isolating. Some couples who are struggling find it difficult to participate in family or social activities because it is painful to watch young, happy families celebrate holidays or attend family gatherings. Give some thought to how you can include those who feel excluded or who do not have the emotional capacity to partake in such events.

Heightening awareness: For some people, the natural life expectation of parenthood is a painful, difficult and devastating journey. Our communal response must be one of support, tolerance, inclusion and awareness. Create space for those individuals and couples who are still on their family-building journeys.

Mindfulness: All too often, we presume that creating a family is a natural, loving act. It is anguishing to be unable to participate in this essential part of life. If the topic of children arises, be mindful when interacting with people that they may be struggling with something very private and painful.

Empathic response: Consider things that you may take for granted because they align with your lived experience. You would not want to inadvertently worsen someone’s pain with an offhand comment or question. Can you widen your perspective to be more empathic?

This is only a glimpse of what a difficult fertility challenge is like. People go through it in different ways, and the tools above can help you to support people in the best way that you can.

to be read at the mikveh’s edge before entering the water:

As I step into the waters of the mikveh, I am mindful of the steps I have already taken on this journey to become pregnant once again. Gently holding the difficulties I experienced in the past, with some trepidation I move forward with hope and expectation. I step into these living waters to be supported and protected with my physical and mental well-being.

Clip source: Mayyim Hayyim

To be read before you immerse:

Humbly I stand before You today, blessed with the gift of life.

I pray that the Source of All Life will protect me and my baby in this pregnancy. May I be granted health and healing in body and mind as my baby continues to grow within me. Just as I am supported by these living waters, may we both be protected and supported until it is safe for this new life to be born. May I emerge from these waters ready to move forward with strength and hope renewed.

Take a deep breath and exhale completely, while gently and completely immersing for a third time.

Clip source: Mayyim Hayyim

take a breath, and say:

תזכר נפשי את קדשת הגוף   Tizkor nafshi et k’dushat haguf. (2)

I call to mind the holiness of the body. (3)

My body is a miracle. I am hopeful for my body’s capacity to grow life once more, and pray for the health and safety of this new life within me. As I continue the journey of growing my family, may the One who blesses all bless me with __________.

Take a moment for personal reflection and then immerse completely for a second time.