Grief & Mourning

To the One who blessed our ancestors and the

One who blesses all beings here on this earth,

bless all those who are suffering the grief of someone they loved.

May they find solace in their memory,

and may their love find a resting place in their hearts.

Bless all those who are struggling with the death

of someone with whom they had a difficult relationship.

May they find compassion for themselves and renewal of spirit.

May they have patience and strength, as grief can come in waves throughout their lives.

May they find the courage to share their grief with others, no matter how many years have gone by.

While they can be shattered by loss, they can be healed by love from others.

Sacred One, help them find ways to open their hearts to love and hope.

Bless all those who are grieving, for it is an honor to have lived.

Make both life and death a blessing.

Amen.

A prayer by the Blue Dove Foundation

Baruch atah Adonai

Brucha at Shechina

Blessed One-ness

Bringing connection when there is separation,

Remembering joy even when we cannot.

One-ness,

We are blessed to be part of this holy wholeness

Even if we understand so little of it.

We are blessed to have received so much love,

Even when it is lost. 

And we pray for the strength to perceive the blessings

Even when it hurts so much.

Amen. 

Baruch atah Adonai

Brucha at Shechina

Blessed One-ness

Bringing connection when there is separation,

Remembering joy even when we cannot.

One-ness,

We are blessed to be part of this holy wholeness

Even if we understand so little of it.

We are blessed to have received so much love,

Even when it is lost. 

And we pray for the strength to perceive the blessings

Even when it hurts so much.

Amen. 

The fact that death comes for all of us doesn't make it any less painful. The first year after a death, no matter who has died, can feel like a series of reminders of that loss. Our first birthday or anniversary without a call or a card from our loved one. Or, the first holiday celebrations with an empty chair.  

Jewish tradition refers to this period of mourning as avelut. It is initially marked from burial through shiva, the first seven days, then continues for shloshim, or 30 days when grieving most relatives, such as a spouse, sibling or child. When mourning a parent, avelut continues for one full year, traditionally counted as 11 months and one day. Our ancestors recognized each of these stages, knowing that grief takes time and that it comes in waves.

Clip source: The Shomer Collective

Jewish ritual is designed for community. And when someone dies, we need our communities more than ever. There are many ways to support someone in grief during the time of shiva. You may help by coordinating food for the mourners; or by ensuring someone is available to lead the evening service if that is how people wish to observe shiva. Loved ones can also help by preparing the home for visitors and covering the mirrors; or by procuring ritual items such as the shiva candle, a low seat and a pitcher for handwashing. 

The following blessings are designed for the people surrounding and supporting the mourners to recite as they do this holy work. 

Clip source: The Shomer Collective

by Rabbi Rami Shapiro

We are loved by unending love.

We are embraced by arms that find us 

even when we are hidden from ourselves. 

We are touched by fingers that soothe us 

even when we are too proud for soothing. 

We are counseled by voices that guide us 

even when we are too embittered to hear.

We are loved by unending love.

We are supported by hands that uplift us 

even in the midst of a fall. 

We are urged on by eyes that meet us 

even when we are too weak for meeting.

We are loved by unending love.

Embraced, touched, soothed, and counseled,

ours are the arms, the fingers, the voices; 

ours are the hands, the eyes, the smiles;

We are loved by unending love.

From: Beside Still Waters, available for download and purchase.