Shiva

Jewish ritual is designed for community. And when someone dies, we need our communities more than ever. There are many ways to support someone in grief during the time of shiva. You may help by coordinating food for the mourners; or by ensuring someone is available to lead the evening service if that is how people wish to observe shiva. Loved ones can also help by preparing the home for visitors and covering the mirrors; or by procuring ritual items such as the shiva candle, a low seat and a pitcher for handwashing. 

The following blessings are designed for the people surrounding and supporting the mourners to recite as they do this holy work. 

Clip source: The Shomer Collective

There are many customs for what traditionally may happen in a home where someone is marking shiva: 

Door: the front door is left open or unlocked for those paying a condolence call; the mourner is exempt from needing to greet guests during shiva.

Food: is brought or provided for mourners. Eggs, a symbol of life, are often eaten at the first meal following burial.

Mirrors: mirrors are covered, as mourners are unconcerned with vanity or their appearance during shiva.

Shoes: mourners do not wear shoes, or may wear slippers, while others not in mourning keep their shoes on.

Stools or low chairs: mourners are experiencing grief, and are not comforted by material comforts such as plush couches and chairs.

Some people stay inside their homes throughout the time of shiva. After shiva ends, it is customary to take a walk around the block to signify reentry into the world before returning to work and other worldly tasks.

Clip source: The Shomer Collective

Deep appreciation to Shomer Collective for their partnership on all of Recustom’s end of life rituals. We are grateful to Bayit and Rabbi Rachel Barenblat for making their Beside Still Waters prayers and readings available to the Recustom community. And we thank ReformJudaism.org, Lab/Shul and the many individuals named in this booklet who shared their creativity and their writings, including those originally published in Laments & Kavannot for The Journey, produced for Kavod V’Nichum’s annual North America Chevra Kadisha Conference. Each piece has been shared with the author’s permission. 

When mourners return home from their loved ones’ funeral, they light a special shiva candle that is designed to burn for seven days, the entire length of shiva. While there is no traditional blessing for lighting this candle, we hope these intentions help you feel a sense of light and a moment of crossing into this phase of grief. 

Lighting the Shiva Candle for the First Time 

Our souls are God’s candles. 

May the light of this candle bring me comfort and keep me company.

And when this candle is gone, may memory continue to illuminate my days. 

יהוה אוֹרִי וְיִשְׁעִי, מִמִּי אִירָא

יהוה מָעוֹז-חַיַּי, מִמִּי אֶפְחָד

Adonai ori v’yishi; mimi ira? 

Adonai maoz-chayai, mimi efchad?

If Adonai is my light and my redemption, what shall I fear? 

If Adonai is the strength of my life, what shall make me afraid? (Ps. 27:1)

שְׁמַע יִשְׂרָאֵל, יהוה אֱלֹהֵינוּ, יהוה אֶחָד

Sh’ma, Yisrael: Adonai Eloheinu, Adonai Echad.

Hear, O Israel; Adonai is our God; Adonai is One.

Clip source: The Shomer Collective

Oh Holy One of Blessing, Source of Light and Illumination, as I light this shiva candle, may I be reminded that ___________’s neshama, their soul, is like the flame, having brought light into the world. May their light illuminate a part of me and never burn out. 

Throughout these first seven days of sitting shiva, Let this candle be a reminder that each flicker of the flame is a spark of memory. In the quietude of contemplation, anchor me in the truth of my feelings. 

This candle is a symbol, a reminder for me to be still, to listen to my breath, to feel the sorrow

that streams from my tears. May I find comfort and consolation in the flickering light as I surrender to the brokenness of my own bereft and bereaving soul. May my neshama find solace and lift my prayers with radiant light that flows from the heavens above.

Holy One of Blessings, may I know that one day I will find my way from mourning to dancing. For now, shelter me in your loving embrace as I watch the candle burn.

-by Rabbi Eva Sax-Bolder

Clip Source: the Shomer Collective

(recited by family, friends, neighbors) 

Oh, Holy One of Blessing, at this liminal time of ___________’s death, I am filled with tears

at the loss of life. In the frenzy of making funeral arrangements, I am blessed to step forward,

knowing there is much to be done to honor our grieving (friend, cousin, etc.).

Guide me to mindfully prepare the house of the mourner and to arrange their environment in the traditions that will hold and support them in love throughout the period of shiva.

May ___________’s Soul feel welcomed to return home, one last time in Olam HaZeh before ascending to Olam HaBa. May my selfless efforts bring a droplet of comfort and healing to the mourners as they take on their new role without their beloved ________.

By Rabbi Eva Sax-Bolder