Funeral

God, Source of All, Comfort of all who mourn, I ask for Your

comfort as I return to a place of emotional devastation. My

heart is filled with the pain of loss; I feel the sharpness of a

grief that will be with me until my own dying day.

At this time of year, when it is traditional to visit the graves of

our beloved dead, I ache with longing.

I feel so very far away, separated by geography and time

and by the reality that life does go on,

no matter how difficult it is to be without _________.

How I wish we could be together again

to talk, to laugh, to touch.

How I wish I could say “I love you” one more time.

In the midst of my sorrow at a life without __________,

I am grateful that I have been granted the ability

to know what it is to love and be loved in return.

As I light this candle in honor and memory

of my beloved__________,

I thank and bless you, God, Source of Life and Love,

for blessing us with the life we shared.

I ask you, God, to bless me with comfort and healing.

May the blessing of ___________’s life

give me the courage to make a blessing of my own.

May I go forward from this time in renewed strength

and peace. Amen.

-by Rabbi Janet Madden

Clip source: The Shomer Collective

With this washing, I leave behind the past

and re-embrace the present.

With this washing, I depart this place of death

and re-enter life.

Ushavtem mayim b’sason, m’mainei hayeshuah.

Joyfully shall you draw water from the fountains of redemption.

Isaiah 12:3

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Originally published in Laments & Kavannot for The Journey, produced for Kavod V’Nichum’s annual North America Chevra Kadisha Conference and shared with author’s permission.

Clip source: The Shomer Collective

Remove the cloth from the grave and read the inscription. We consecrate this monument as a token of love and respect. 

We have come together to lovingly dedicate this grave to the blessed memory of _________.

We realize that _______’s physical remains lie in this plot of ground but that she/he/they lives on because we come together in this moment to honor her/his/their life. We are grateful for the years we shared; for the lessons she/he/they taught us.

Even though _______ has left us physically, we know that she/he/they will never leave our hearts; ______’s memory will endure as an abiding blessing. 

Place the stones, seashells or dirt on the grave. 

May the soul of our (parent, sibling, spouse, child, other relative), _________, rest in peace. We are grateful for the gift of her/his/their life and for the memories that live on in each of us. May we continue to spread the (core values) she/he/they shared with others, to perpetuate what was good and meaningful to her/him/them. May her/his/their virtues be reflected in our lives. And may her/his/their memory be for a blessing. 

Clip source: The Shomer Collective

Thereupon Jacob took a stone and set it up as a pillar.

And Jacob said to his kinsman, “Gather stones.”

So they took stones and made a mound;

and they partook of a meal there by the mound.

And Laban declared, “This mound is a witness between you

and me this day. May the Lord watch between you and me,

when we are out of sight of each other.”

Gen 31:45

Dear Beloved ___________________

As I set this stone on your final place of rest,

know that I was here.

I have not forgotten you.

May the Lord watch between you and me

as we are now out of sight of each other.

-by Meirah Illinsky

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Originally published in Laments & Kavannot for The Journey, produced for Kavod V’Nichum’s annual North America Chevra Kadisha Conference and shared with author’s permission.

Clip source: The Shomer Collective

Adonai Natan. Adonai Lakach. Yehi shem Adonai M’vorach.

The Holy One gives. The Holy One takes. Blessed be the name of the Holy One.

And we say together: Amen.

Clip source: The Shomer Collective

As we enter a New Year without our loved one, our memories of them and the experiences we shared with them may begin to feel further away. This activity invites us into presence with our memories and creates a physical keepsake we can revisit. You may want to begin collecting memories during Rosh Hashanah, and continue adding to the jar throughout the year. 

To start, place a large jar, decorated box or vessel in a convenient location. Next, whenever you have a memory of your loved one, write it down on a slip of paper and place it in the jar. If a memory crosses your mind and you don’t have access to paper, record a voice memo or type it into your phone so you can transfer it to paper later. Your memories can be simple, such as a holiday tradition, your loved one’s favorite food, or of an adventure or experience you shared. 

Any time you wish to recall their lives, take a note from the jar. You can also revisit memories at the start of another New Year, when you say Yizkor or Kaddish, each time you visit their grave, or mark their birthday or yahrzeit. You can create a scrapbook with photos that correspond to the memories. You can read the notes together with other family members or friends and then share the story of the memory together. Or, invite several people to share stories at your Rosh Hashanah seder, Yom Kippur break fast or Sukkot gathering. 

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This ritual was adapted by Chloe Nassau, based on a creation from the Center for Loss & Renewal, Rabbi Benyamin Cirlin, LCSW