Parents

This secular prayer is intended to celebrate the ordinary and cherished existence of the person who has died (rather than the celebration of faith to a deity). It is offered as a non-religious alternative to the traditional Kaddish prayer so that a secular person might recite it in good conscience, finding solace in reverence for life. 

We celebrate the spark which illuminates life and fades at death, and we accept this great mystery.

In this world that is created new with each sunrise, we open the robe of [   's] existence,

crafted of fabric woven from every ordinary day, with innumerable pockets sheltering all the

moments and purposes that comprise a full life. A robe embellished with joys and accomplishments, made shiny at the seat by sharing life's table, frayed at the cuffs by sorrows,

worn at the elbows from the labors of living.

May remembering [    ] be a blessing.

May the humor, common sense, and skills that [    ] honed in life remain a contribution to the family and the community. And may [   's] mistakes and challenges be remembered so that

the wisdom earned from their lessons learned will also stay with us. 

May remembering [    ] be a blessing.

In this world where [    ] learned, labored, and loved may their existence continue to radiate goodness, and may the things [    ] created be put to use and appreciated.

May remembering [    ] be a blessing.

May our hearts beat steadily together in the rhythm of life as we remember [    ] in the fullness of themself, and release [    ] now in love.   

May remembering [    ] be a blessing to all.

-by Dina Stander

Clip source: The Shomer Collective

ChatGPT Prompt: Tell the exodus story as if you are my Jewish father-in-law who is giving driving directions to moses and keeps digressing into quirky stories

Alright, so you're gonna wanna take a right at the burning bush up ahead, Moses. Speaking of bushes, did I ever tell you about the time I accidentally set my neighbor's bush on fire with my BBQ grill? Oh boy, he was not happy with me.

Anyway, after you turn right, you're gonna come to a split in the road. Take the left, unless you want to end up at the Pharaoh's palace. And let me tell you, I've been there before, and it's not a fun place to be. I once got into a heated argument with the Pharaoh over who made the best matzah balls. Can you believe it?

Now, where was I? Oh right, so after you take the left, you'll come across the Red Sea. Don't worry though, God's got your back. He'll part the sea so you can cross on dry land. And let me tell you, that's gonna be one heck of a sight to see. I remember one time when I was fishing in the Red Sea and I caught the biggest fish you've ever seen.

But back to the directions, after you cross the Red Sea, you'll come to Mount Sinai. That's where God is gonna give you the Ten Commandments. And let me tell you, Moses, you better listen carefully. I once got lost in the desert because I didn't follow directions.

So there you have it, Moses. Just follow these directions and you'll make it out of Egypt in no time. And if you need any more advice or quirky stories, you know who to ask. Your Jewish father-in-law.

Each year, the chairs around our seder table are filled with different individuals who join together to retell, once again, the story of our enslavement and our redemption. The Passover seder is more than a history lesson, for each of us is instructed to see ourselves as if we had personally been freed from Egypt. It has to become our own story, told in the context of the generations of our family and community. We add new layers as this year’s experience melds with the memories of the past.

Yet some years are painfully different. A beloved family member or friend has died during the past year. There is an empty chair at the seder table. We may find ourselves dreading the coming holiday. How can we go through the same rituals, when life has been so drastically altered? What if we begin to cry at the seder table? What if everyone is so afraid of pain that they ignore the empty chair? Are we even allowed to bring our sadness to the seder, which seems like it should be a happy occasion? Sometimes death changes family/ social relations and yours is also the empty chair at a seder. How do you find meaning in the holiday now?

Using the traditional structure and rituals of the seder service, as found in the Haggadah, below are ways that enable you to pay attention to your journey of grief. Each represents one step of the seder with teachings, comments and questions relating that Jewish ritual or prayer to the individual experience of memory, loss and healing.

Karpas | כַּרְפַּס
The First Dipping Hors d’oeuvres of Spring Greens:  Salt water represents our tears as slaves in Egypt. In my bereavement, as time goes by, what are s the sources of my tears? What makes me cry? Is there anything that still enslaves me to my tears? The karpas, a spring vegetable, represents renewal that comes in the springtime. As I move from grief and mourning into a different yet potentially full and renewed life what is growing in me and what comes alive in me again?

Yachatz | יַחַץ
Breaking the Matza:  This matza represents brokenness. As the matza is broken in half, the broken piece is set aside for the afikomen, which when found toward the end of the seder, symbolizes renewed wholeness and redemption. In my broken-heartedness, have there been paths of healing for me? In my brokenness, have I found places of greater strength within me? Can I imagine moving towards a new kind of wholeness?

Maggid | מַגִיד
Telling the Story:  One of the central mitzvot of Pesach is telling the story of oppression and the journey to liberation. It is interesting to note that the Haggadah offers us at least four versions of the Passover story. There is telling through symbols, historical recounting, moral expositions, and facts with expanded interpretations. What are some of the different ways in which you tell the stories of your loved one and the journey you took together?

Rachtza | רַחְצָה
Washing Before Eating Matza:  When we have been to a cemetery, it is customary to wash our hands before entering a building. It is a remnant of the Biblical idea that contact with the dead puts an individual into a different state. Purification by water is necessary prior to reentering the community. What rituals have been helpful to you in making the transition from focusing completely on your loved one and your loss, and being able to be more fully a part of your own changed life?

Birkat Hamazon – Barech | בָּרֵך
The Blessing after the Meal:  They who sow in tears, shall reap with joy. You have shed many tears since the death of your loved one. What are the blessings you received from your loved one which continue to nourish you? What are the blessings that have come into your life since your loss?

From: Coping with the Empty Chair at the Seder: A Personal Journal for Memory and Contemplation,

Prepared By Rabbi Stephanie Dickstein, LMSW, The Jewish Board

It is customary in the Jewish tradition to bless our children, and in the spirit of this ritual, we have created a prayer with these four children in mind.

Blessed are you, Holy Source of Wisdom, bless us so we may know, understand and accept our inner child. Guide us as we ask the questions to better understand ourselves and our world as we try to make sense of our emotions. Guide us as we try to find our place in a caring community, even when we resist those who want to help. Guide us to find the safe and brave spaces filled with people who can show us empathy. Guide us as we learn the language we need from those who model vulnerability. Blessed are you, Holy Source of Love, bless us so we may know, understand and accept the children among us. Help us to notice the message behind the questions others may ask, ensuring each person gets the help they need. Help us to create shame-free and stigma-free environments for each other, developing a culture of understanding. Help us to approach others with empathy so they can feel safe. Help us to offer support to those who may not know what they need. May we each approach our inner child with curiosity and insight. May we each be compassionate toward our inner child from moment to moment. And may we each learn what we need from the inner child of those around us. Amen.

By The Blue Dove Foundation

ChatGPT Prompt: Create the story of the four children from Passover using Dad jokes

Once upon a Passover Seder, a wise Jewish father decided to teach his children about the Four Children using dad jokes.
 

He started with the Wise Child and said, "Why did the Wise Child ask so many questions? Because they wanted to be the seder of attention!"
 

Next, he moved onto the Wicked Child and quipped, "Why did the Wicked Child steal the Afikoman? Because they wanted to be a matzah thief!"
 

Then, he introduced the Simple Child and asked, "Why did the Simple Child think the Seder was boring? Because they weren't Kosher enough!"
 

Finally, he got to the Child Who Doesn't Know How to Ask and said, "Why did the Child Who Doesn't Know How to Ask stay silent at the Seder? Because they didn't want to Pass-over any questions!"

The children groaned at their dad's corny jokes, but secretly they loved them. And as they continued with the Seder, they couldn't help but smile and laugh at their dad's dad jokes.

Researchers have begun to establish a causal link between storytelling and thriving. In 2001, psychologists Marshall Duke and Robyn Fvush compared children's psychological health with their knowledge of their own family history. They measured this knowledge on a "Do You Know?" scale. This scale turned out to be the best single predictor of children's emotional health and happiness.

The more children knew their family's history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem, and the more successfully they believed their families functioned.

Two months after this study was conducted, the September 11 attacks occurred. The psychologists went back and studied how the same group of children responded to that trauma. The results were the same: "The ones who knew more about their families proved to be more resilient, meaning they could moderate the effects of stress."

To explain the connection between story and resilience, the psychologists coined the term ‘intergenerational self.’ It's a sense that you're part of something bigger, that your life is an episode in a larger narrative. More than just entertain and amuse, (which they do) cross-generational stories serve another purpose.

Family stories let children know that they're not alone, and that those who came before them celebrated triumphs and overcame struggles, just as they do.

Additionally, in a study of family stories at Emory University, it was found that family stories seem to be transferred by mothers and grandmothers more often than not, and that the information was typically passed during family dinners, family vacations and family holidays. Other data indicated that these very same regular family dinners, vacations, and holiday celebrations occur more frequently in families that have high levels of cohesiveness. It is the ‘intergenerational self’ and the personal strength that is derived from it that are associated with increased resilience, better adjustment, and improved chances of good clinical and educational outcomes.

The researchers define three types of family narratives:

1. The ascending narrative: we came from nothing and now we've succeeded (rags to riches).

2. The descending narrative: we used to have it all and now we have nothing.

3. And, the most healthful narrative is called the oscillating family narrative: we've had ups and downs, and we've persevered, as a family.

This third narrative is the story of the Jewish people.

When we share stories - especially over holidays - year after year after year, we invite the next generation into the Jewish family story. Our stories are still unfolding.