Your ring
Your partner’s ring
A decorative bag (small) or box to put them and keep them in
A klaf (scroll for mezuzah) if you choose to create a mezuzzah including the rings from the bag
Havdalah candle and something to light it with
Spices
Wine Glass
Wine
Glass to be broken
Kol Nidre means “all vows,” and this hauntingly beautiful prayer is also a legal ritual, releasing us from all our broken promises from the past year. Once we declare these collective failures nullified, we are able to move into the rest of Yom Kippur together.
All vows and prohibitions and oaths …
that we may vow or swear or prohibit upon ourselves
from this Yom Kippur until the Yom Kippur that is coming upon us for goodness—
regarding all of them, we repudiate them.
All of them are undone, abandoned, cancelled, null and void, not in force, and not in effect.
Our vows are no longer vows, and our prohibitions are no longer prohibitions, and our oaths are no longer oaths.
The Psalms tell us that a person’s life is 70 years. So, if you make it to 83 it is as though you are 13 again.With that insight, you may wish to create a new b-mitzvah tradition for your congregants that transforms the custom of celebrating a second b-mitzvah at 83.
Rabbi Ed Feinstein of Valley Beth Shalom in Los Angeles, suggests holding a b-mitzvah ceremony on the occasion of every new decade after the first ceremony at the age of 13, even if someone did not have a b-mitzvah at 13.
The b-mitzvah may wish to lead part of the Shabbat or weekday service, be honored with an aliyah and to give a d’var Torah (Words of Torah), or brief talk about the Torah or Haftarah portion. Then, people important to the b-mitzvah can offer blessings.
At each major birthday of their life: 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90 or even 100 the person would share their vision of meaning for this stage of their lives, a kind of living, evolving ethical will.
Some communities, including Lab/Shul in New York City, have created a cohort-based learning program with Torah study and personal growth for a communal b-mitzvah that may be marked with the start of any new decade. Consider what the people in your congregation might need from each other as they age and explore these options together.
Another alternative is to honor all members who have celebrated a big birthday on a Shabbat with a relevant Torah portion and a communal aliyah.
Ritual to End Yom Kippur
After 24 hours of asking, Yom Kippur ends with a declaration and a shout. We make a proclamation, then consider it done.
Write three intentions you have for the year ahead, then read them out loud. You can recite them multiple times. The traditional formula is 1, 3 and 7.
Intention #1 1x
Intention #2 3x
Intention #3 7x
Then the shofar is sounded one final, long, loud blast. If you cannot hear a shofar, shout as loud as you can for as long as you can.
Next year may we all be free!
Yom Kippur includes a dedicated moment, called Yizkor, to collectively remember lives lost. We ask that our loved ones find mercy and peace in their eternal rest, and by doing this we keep their memories alive even as they no longer take breath.
Traditionally, a memorial yahrzeit candle lasts for the full 24 hours of Yom Kippur, but you can use any long-burning candle. Stare into the flame and hold for a moment the memories of those who no longer walk among us. Whether the loss is recent and tender, or in our distant past; whether lost to illness or injustice; whether dear to us or unknown or martyrs to a cause.
Gather people around the year anniversary of your partner’s death. A particularly resonant time (but not the only time) might be a Saturday evening around Havdalah, the ceremony that marks the end of Shabbat. You can choose the time of the week that is most convenient for you at your home, or the home of a close friend or family member.
Your ring
Your partner’s ring
A decorative bag (small) or box to put them and keep them in
A klaf (scroll for mezuzah) if you choose to create a mezuzzah including the rings from the bag
Havdalah candle and something to light it with
Spices
Wine Glass
Wine
Glass to be broken
Kol Nidre means “all vows,” and this hauntingly beautiful prayer is also a legal ritual, releasing us from all our broken promises from the past year. Once we declare these collective failures nullified, we are able to move into the rest of Yom Kippur together.
All vows and prohibitions and oaths …
that we may vow or swear or prohibit upon ourselves
from this Yom Kippur until the Yom Kippur that is coming upon us for goodness—
regarding all of them, we repudiate them.
All of them are undone, abandoned, cancelled, null and void, not in force, and not in effect.
Our vows are no longer vows, and our prohibitions are no longer prohibitions, and our oaths are no longer oaths.
The Psalms tell us that a person’s life is 70 years. So, if you make it to 83 it is as though you are 13 again.With that insight, you may wish to create a new b-mitzvah tradition for your congregants that transforms the custom of celebrating a second b-mitzvah at 83.
Rabbi Ed Feinstein of Valley Beth Shalom in Los Angeles, suggests holding a b-mitzvah ceremony on the occasion of every new decade after the first ceremony at the age of 13, even if someone did not have a b-mitzvah at 13.
The b-mitzvah may wish to lead part of the Shabbat or weekday service, be honored with an aliyah and to give a d’var Torah (Words of Torah), or brief talk about the Torah or Haftarah portion. Then, people important to the b-mitzvah can offer blessings.
At each major birthday of their life: 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90 or even 100 the person would share their vision of meaning for this stage of their lives, a kind of living, evolving ethical will.
Some communities, including Lab/Shul in New York City, have created a cohort-based learning program with Torah study and personal growth for a communal b-mitzvah that may be marked with the start of any new decade. Consider what the people in your congregation might need from each other as they age and explore these options together.
Another alternative is to honor all members who have celebrated a big birthday on a Shabbat with a relevant Torah portion and a communal aliyah.
Ritual to End Yom Kippur
After 24 hours of asking, Yom Kippur ends with a declaration and a shout. We make a proclamation, then consider it done.
Write three intentions you have for the year ahead, then read them out loud. You can recite them multiple times. The traditional formula is 1, 3 and 7.
Intention #1 1x
Intention #2 3x
Intention #3 7x
Then the shofar is sounded one final, long, loud blast. If you cannot hear a shofar, shout as loud as you can for as long as you can.
Next year may we all be free!
Yom Kippur includes a dedicated moment, called Yizkor, to collectively remember lives lost. We ask that our loved ones find mercy and peace in their eternal rest, and by doing this we keep their memories alive even as they no longer take breath.
Traditionally, a memorial yahrzeit candle lasts for the full 24 hours of Yom Kippur, but you can use any long-burning candle. Stare into the flame and hold for a moment the memories of those who no longer walk among us. Whether the loss is recent and tender, or in our distant past; whether lost to illness or injustice; whether dear to us or unknown or martyrs to a cause.
Gather people around the year anniversary of your partner’s death. A particularly resonant time (but not the only time) might be a Saturday evening around Havdalah, the ceremony that marks the end of Shabbat. You can choose the time of the week that is most convenient for you at your home, or the home of a close friend or family member.
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Moving Forward After the Loss of a Partner
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