Ritual can play an important role in helping children (and adults) address and express unspoken feelings. The folks at FAIR (Families Adopting in Response) developed a beautiful ritual for adopted children that we have adapted. This ceremony is written for adoptees and centers adoptees’ experiences and relationships; please use care and sensitivity when modifying for use by non-adoptees.

I light this candle for my birth mother

whose body was my first home and whose heartbeat was the first sound I heard. Whether I know her or not, whether or not I will ever see her, she lives in my heart. I hope she remembers me. I will never forget her.

I light this candle for my birth father

the man who gave me life. I may or may not fully understand why he couldn’t raise me, but I know it was not my fault. He too has a place in my heart.

I light this candle for my birth siblings (known & unknown)

for those I remember and those I only dream about. We are family. Perhaps one day I will look into their faces and see my reflection.

I light this candle for the grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles, cousins, and other ancestors in my first family

I hope that you remember me.

I light this candle for my foster family(ies)

Even though I didn’t always understand who you were to me, I know now that you cared for me and helped me on my journey.

I light this candle for the social workers, caretakers in the orphanage and others

who fed me and cared for me and so many other children. They are a part of my story and helped to guide my days and years in all the places I have lived.

I light this candle for my parent(s) by adoption

who teach me about life, love, and family. I hope you understand that sometimes when I am angry towards you it has nothing to do with you. Adoption is complicated and I need you to remind me that I am safe, that you will always love me, no matter what and that it is OK for me to express all my feelings even when I am sad or mad.

I light this candle for my sibling(s) by adoption

We might not look alike, we might not act alike, but we are real siblings and will be forever.

I light this candle for all my relatives who make up my family

for grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins who form a warm, supporting circle around me.

I light this candle for all the other people who have gone in and out of my life

for those who hurt me and for those who helped me. I don’t have to be afraid to talk about them because I am getting stronger every day and do not have to be defined by what has hurt me. I ask my parents, my siblings and everyone who cares about me to help me understand and process all my experiences, good and bad.

I light this candle for other adoptees and foster youth I know

because this group can understand me in special ways. They are my community and my friends. We all have different stories but we all share a story too. And we all have most of our story ahead of us—it is not yet written but is ours to grow into and own.

The Danish call it "hygge," a sense of feeling cozy and safe at home. Many Jewish homes feature Birkat HaBayit, a blessing of protection on a plaque. What feels and blessing do you want to invite into your home? Create your own using this template.

Let this home be filled with:

May we support each other through:

May we always feel:

Some leave a small section of wall unfinished/unpainted in memory of the destruction of the Temple

• Zecher L’churban by Rabbi Ari Enkin (Orthodox)
• In Memoria of the Temple’s Destruction: From a Blank Wall to a Work of Art by Dr. Noa Yuval-Hacham (Schechter)
• Remembering the Temple's Destruction by Rabbi Eliezer Melamed (Yeshiva Co., Beit El Yeshiva)

Today, we close one chapter of our lives and begin another. 

Every life of accomplishment contains many such passages 

And our tradition marks these transitions with ritual and prayer. 

When students complete a book of the Talmud 

They often linger and celebrate the fulfillment of their efforts 

In a lifetime filled with many chapters and completions. 

Like them, we linger and celebrate all we received in this house 

As we close one chapter of our lives and begin another. 

We remember with gratitude the many blessings 

We enjoyed under the shelter of this roof. 

In this home, we built a haven from the outside world 

Its walls protected us from the elements 

Its light drove away the darkness that crouched at night 

Its warm.th nurtured our love and gave us proof against the cold. 

We remember with gratitude these many blessings. 

We celebrate with joy the family we built upon this foundation. 

Into this home, we poured our dreams and efforts 

We shared our love and filled these rooms with youthful laughter 

And an argument or two along the way. 

We saw our children's feet slowly gain their footing 

As they learned, all too quickly, to call another place their home. 

Across these floors we walked and ran and danced in equal measure 

We celebrate with joy the family we built upon this foundation. 

We honor with affection all those who crossed this threshold with us

From the time we first turned the key in the lock until today 

Through these doors we brought our children 

And welcomed our friends and family. 

With those who crossed this doorway 

We celebrated our triumphs and joys and shared our sorrows and fears.

With them, we marked the holidays and the milestones of our lives 

They helped make this house our home. 

We honor with affection all those who crossed this threshold with us. 

Today, we close one chapter of our lives and begin another. 

May it be your will, Adonai our God, that just as you have helped us 

Complete the chapter inscribed in walls, foundation and gates of this home 

That you will help us to begin a new chapter in a new home. 

When Jacob journeyed from Gilead, the angels of God encountered him. 

When he saw them,Jacob said: "This is God's camp." 

By leaving one home and making another we know do not leave God. 

As we begin a new chapter of our lives, 

We pray that our new home will provide us with the all the fulfillment 

We enjoyed under the shelter of this roof and upon this foundation. 

Cain Y'ehi Ratzon

All 

Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech HaOlam, shehecheyanu v'kyamanu v'higianu lazman hazeh. 

Blessed are you, O God, sovereign of the universe, for granting us life, for sustaining us, and for bringing to this time. 

—

Originally published in New Rituals for New Life Stages, edited by Rabbi Richard Address of Jewish Sacred Aging